My babies

I posted a few pictures yesterday of our family. I was looking through all the hundreds of pictures that we took while trying to get the perfect shot of each of the kids ( I LOVE digital photography!!) When I got to the section of Brysen I was reminded so much about baby James. From the first day I held Brysen in the hospital, he reminded me so much of James. The way his face looks, his body type, his lighter skin, his sweet expression when he sleeps... everything about him reminded me of his oldest brother. And I can't help but miss him. A lot. As a mother, there are no words to describe the feelings you have when you lose a child. I'm sure it is the same for all mothers, no matter how old their child was.

A few years ago, a good friend of mine shared this music with me. She is related to the artist. It depicts my feelings pretty clearly...

Katherine Nelson What’s Mine is Yours Lyrics
Counting down days since nine months last summer
From the baby quilts to the sunshine light-switch cover
All the plans she made
Wall-papered dreams she made for him someday

Doctor hardly glanced her way shut off the monitor
As he walked out the door said “You’re young, there’ll be others”
No sirens or loud screams
No rushing or comforting
It was just over

On the longest road toward home
She parked in the church lot and cried
And said

What’s mine is yours
It’s always been
What slips through my hands has your fingerprints on it
I’m letting go
Remembering
Though Heaven’s doors feel shut they’re wide open
What’s mine is yours

Teenage girl clinging to the gates of mercy
Holding the weight of the world and her newborn baby
Trying her best to be brave
Wrapped in hope giving him away to a longing family

When her courage met their eyes she saw
Somehow her baby was born to be in their arms
And cried

(Chorus)

In this life we come and go and say goodbye
But there’s more than we can see with our own eyes
And when my faith’s a thread-bare blanket and I can’t take it anymore
I remember

What’s mine is yours
I’m letting go
Remembering
Though heaven’s doors feel shut they’re wide open
What’s mine is yours

(Katherine Nelson, Deanna Harper)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhMfQVBpoSY

I found the lyrics to the next song on another mom's blog who has an Angel Baby as well. As I listened to it, I couldn't help but think of Madi the whole time, not of James. Madi is in many ways my link to heaven and those waiting for me there. She is sweet, innocent, and full of light. I know one day she will speak to me and tell me all the secrets she had to keep from me in this life.

Sometimes a song speaks peace to my mind more than any other words.

"Child of Light" lyrics- Mindy Gledhill

Did you ever wonder who you are
do you ever wonder as you stare into the stars
where you began
and how you got this far
from home?

Have you ever walked along the shore
Have you ever seen the water dancing back and forth
did you look inside
to see if there was more to life

There's a dream taking wings
There's a voice that wants to sing
Even in the deepest darkest night
The Torch is raised to the sky
There are hands that hold it high
You were born to keep it burning bright
You were made to fly you were meant to shine
Child of light

You will never ever stand alone
You were never called to bare your burdens on your own
Where there's fear
Love will take control
And lead you on

There's a dream taking wings
There's a voice that wants to sing
Even in the deepest darkest night
The  Torch is raised to the sky
There are hands that hold it high
You were born to keep it burning bright
You were made to fly you were meant to shine
child of light

There's a dream taking wings
There's a voice that wants to sing
Even in the deepest darkest night
The Torch is raised to the sky
there are hands that hold it high
You were born to keep it burning bright
You were made to fly you were meant to shine
Child of light
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mu4wpBtyqw to listen to Mindy Gledhill sing "Child of Light"

And now, I need to go pick up my sleeping baby from his crib and just hold him for a while. Maybe I will make the rounds and do this to all my sleeping children tonight, because they are each of them my little miracle babies.